is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
