What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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