I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
