Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize