can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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