I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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