so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
