I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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