You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
