So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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