So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
