I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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