that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
