I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
