I can tuck mytits in my pants
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
