before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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