I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
