I just saw a hot homeless man
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
