We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
