We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
