You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
