OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
