i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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