I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
