I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
