Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have post one night stand depression
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
