I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
