Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
