For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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