Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
