when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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