Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
