You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
