god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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