Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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