maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i out mim tonsoeep
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