where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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