But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
