I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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