Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
