he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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