I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
