is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
