I think I am morally bankrupt
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
