and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
