I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
