My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
