remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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