in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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