Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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