just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
