Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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