You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
