Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
