i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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