its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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